09/07 20:55

So its like this God.

You created me as a good hearted man. Mentally strong, but fragile and not modern. Who can forgive near everything, but who never receive forgiveness from others. You gave me history and experience which I tried to carry, but when unexpected beautiful times happened, I was to weak to face it. I failed, and person who I hurted is not able to give me anything after. Who cannot pass over this. Who hates me, when I still crazy love her. 

When this big experience in my life hit me in 2015, I think I passed exam. I did what I could. I dreamed about family, girlfriend, wife. But not typical. Fragile, very female, beautiful, good hearted. But I knew what I have to deal with and after time runned, I realized that this probably will never happen. I got used to live alone. It was not happy life, but for me just normal.

Then came Julunia. Better than my dreamed girl. Much better. I loved her character, I loved her body. I loved and still love Her whole myself. But I couldnt deal with my obligation I had.

I received life which normal mature man should have. Woman at home, shared duties, shopping for two, care about someone else, being loved, sleeping together. The most marvelous time anyone can imagine.

But I lasted 14 months. Is that all I received from you God?

Now just suffering till the rest of life? For sure I am not able to love anyone else. And she hates me.

I am not able to watch a moovie, go for a walk, go to shops we used to go. I am not able to live anymore.

This is not fair God, too much for me. I have enough.