19/05 20:22 one month after

In monthly anniversary of our last night together, I dreamed whole night about us. She was with me. We were so happy together. Everything was like during this year together.

Today its one month we last time seen, talked, kissed, hugged, laughed, loved. We were at picnic at awf, then went to Las, it was beautiful april weather. We walked hand by hand. Then came collapse. And I never seen her again.

There is nothing worse than this kind of farewell. Without saying goodbye directly, without final talk. I am always strickt to myself, but why always people are so strickt to me. Am I really so bad? Or just to fair, and this makes me only problem. I dont know. I have been waiting for any message, but silence arround. 

This is the most awful think can happen. This silence arround. Any contact. Does She force herself or by someone to behave like this thinking its a good idea? Or doesnt She really care? 

I cannot believe this is happening. 

I will never forgive myself what I did. Keeping this fucking mystery. What the fuck did you do you retard...