Thursday 22/04 8:22

Going to work. After sleeping 3 hours (8 hours in general in last three nights). Dont see any sense of going to work. I have no more aid to live.

Knowing what I did to Julcia, i dont uderstand why i have no chance to see and meet her, say few words. After all we survived together. I read a lot of stories about crisis in relation. People usually guve each other second chance. If not for being together, then at least fot talk and explain. She loved me so much and in one hour it became from love to hate so much. To hate so much that J cannot even look at me?

Yesterday i saw her. Maybe not her but her hoodie. I finished work and i went for academy, waited over 3 hours until she left. Then i saw her probably for the last time in my life. Whole me screamed go to her, talk to her, see last time her eyes, but i respected her choice when she many times wrote me that she doesnt want to see me. From love to hate so easily. What did you do you useless idiot? Losing such an angel.

I go to work with the people i already worked many times. I checked when was the last time i worked with them. 12 of march. And immediatelly went to whatsapp to remind this days. As always we corresponded during the day asking how is it going. It was Friday. Then after work we went to Arkadia to leroy merlin for lamp for Juleczka. She was so happy after buying. She could rock her marvelous art. She also sent me a message that loves me so much. Many hearts, marvelous voice. How happy i was that 12 of march. And how destroyed am i now.

And now i am the stop i was also one week ago going to work to Sylwek at Szeligi. Even one week ago i was so happy. Even 4 days ago having her next to me. So loved me.

During last night we corresponded through emails. I begged her last time about meeting. She sent me few messages that i lost all my hope i had even yesterday. No chance for anything.

No sense to live anymore.