Wednesday 05/05 17:32 unreal difficult to...

Walking on the path and crying. Panic crying. 3 weeks ago I was the most happy man in the world. Now i am near die of sadness. Panic sadness. I try to read how to survive this situation, but all guides dont suit.

I will not find any other woman. I didnt find during 36 years. Then came she. More than my ideal. More. I couldnt expect this kind of woman exist and if yes, for sure are not meant for me.

- my ideal about look, siuda, beautiful face, marvelous smile

- very fragile and delicate,

- trustful

- didnt want to much from life, didnt expect from me beeing rich, all She needed was me as I was

- didnt have any man before like me didnt have any woman

- shared with me passion: walks, playing badminton, watching moovie, playing games

- positive, happy about very small things like sun, moon on the heaven, colour of the forest, bird birding,

- no alcohol, drugs, parties

- very calm and quiet

I can keep on saying how lovely She is. How unreal lucky was I to have Her next to me. How could I even think about any other woman. I would compare everyone to Her and hurt them because noone can be even 10 % like my Juleczka. She is my real one and only second hald, who I found. And lost. 

This lost is not to be fixed. All i can do is fixed what i did wrong. And hope. Till the end of my life. That I can rebuild trust. Even if now She says many times that She is not able to be with me. Now not. 

Even if I have less than 1 percent of chance I will believe. Nothing else left me.