Another day run with false hope.
So worried how is She. What does She do? Does She sometimes think about me? Is it possible that from one hour to another hour, after find out that I lied a lot, She completely changed Her attitude? From big love to big hate?
This question will never let me stay calmly. I deserved to be hated, but people who I loved also deserved for it but I couldnt stop love them. Not the same, but just an example thats not so easy to stop love.
I would so much love to talk to Her. Directly, we can still be so happy. I would never do the same mistake... never hurt...
Man who i work for today ordered a pizza. I choose of course Hot habanas, like always with my Julunia. And you know what diary? It didnt taste me. Everything had taste only with Juleczka next to me.
Difficult day. Exactly 6 years when I last talked to my mother. And i remember everything. Then She began 10 day process of dissappearing and dying... Mother, sorry for all my mistakes. Please, ask God for my future...
Also exactly 2 weeks when I last time talked to my Love. And since then every minute wait for any contact. I so much love Her and dont imagine life without.
Some people say: fight, do everything, go to Her, send a lot of messages. Do it when its still time. And I dont know if I should do it. She asked me for time, She asked to let Her go. But i still believe She really loved me. And can look at whole situation more widely. I fucked, of course. I am guilty of course. But I do everything to fix it. And I wait, and always will...
I should have never done it this way. I lost myself. Thats obvious. And didnt have anyone to ask how to fix it. I would never done the same. But cazzo, did i do it for myself, did i steal money for having fun. No, i pay not my debt. Now i dont know what was bigger fault: sign this document or didnt tell Julunia? Both have deciding influence on my life. Second is still to be fixed. But how can i do it when She doesnt know anything and even doesnt want to know. Cazzo, what can i do.