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Lukasz trying to deal with life

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Archiwum kwiecień 2021

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30/04 21:43 first evening out of OUR room

Difficult day with a lot of tears, farewell to the things made us so happy. I will make once note about farewells in my life, its too much of this. 

I am in a hostel. Cant live longer like this, have to make quick desicion where to go to work. I tool with me just necessery things, including Juleczka hoodies. Many from OUR things from OUR lovely room at Reymonta i put to trash, couldnt take it with me: our games, badminton rackets, kettles, bowls, plates, all puzzles we made, flowers, pan, pond, many dishes, few clothes. All went to trash. The most difficult was to say goodbye to puzzles - we spend so many marvelous evenings making them, dried flowers - all given to Juleczka, and games - till last day gave so much happiness, every evening between 9 and 10 pm we started. Was so difficult to throw them away but what could I do.

I thanked to all things in our pokoj for brang us this moments. Shower for let us taking hot shower in very cold days TOGETHER, floor for let us dance there, microwave for let us make our salads, soups and pizzas. Desk for let Julunia make beautiful art, windows for let us see each other where one of us was going to work. Special thanks i said to the bed - for let us making our 5 min of lie every afternoon, for let us sleep hugging each other, for let us making beautiful love, for let us eat our breakfast in a bed on weekends. I thanked pokoj for gave me the most beautiful time in my life.

 

Every minute I suffer of thinking where is Julunia. How does she feel, what does she do. Will She ever contact me or for Her I am done? I love her so much, every day more and more I realize than I cannot live without Her...

30 kwietnia 2021   Dodaj komentarz

Last night at Reymonta, Friday 30/04 06:27...

Beautiful dreams. Many with Juleczka. We hugged from the back, we played chess and Nicki game. We laughed, talked,.kissed, loved.

 

In reality She thinks i am so bad person who doesnt deserve to talk. And i cannot do anything...

 

Very hard day and time ahead....

30 kwietnia 2021   Dodaj komentarz

Thursday 29/04 last evening at Piaski

Its 19:08.

I am seating on a bench next to playground between Kochanowskiego 32 and Reymonta 10a.

Tears all arround. We have been so happy hear so many times. Now its my last evening hear. Tomorrow i moove to hostel. All luck i got from life was this place, with the most loved person. Now i lost everything.

Its so marvelous spring arroundx restriction about coronavirus will be cut in a while. We would just start new season of our marvelous time together.

Tacy bylismy jeszcze wczoraj, a dzisiaj tak jak sej skonczylo sie, tacy sami jeszcze wczoraj i wszystko mialo sens. I gdzie to wszystko jest?

 

Yesterday I sent letter to my brother about money. Last attempt. I keep on working. I am sure i can pay my debt in months, then just start new life without. And without lies. We could be still so happy. We were to each other everything. Now Julunia thinks I am a thief? After all this we survived? I am just coward, who is unluck in life. But still try to be always a good person. I would give her all mine. To the rest of my life. I made unreal mistakes, no justification. In fears of love... Sick.

 

I wilk never believe thats it finish. We can still be so happy together....

29 kwietnia 2021   Dodaj komentarz

Thursday 29/04 06:57

Dzien dobry world

Dzien dobry mama Warsaw

Dzien dobry drzewo

 

How was your night? Did you sleep well? What was your dream?

 

I miss you so much, I love you so much. I wait for you....

29 kwietnia 2021   Dodaj komentarz

Wednesday 28/04 20:28

My soul cannot stand it anymore.

Its not like i had someone i felt good with and i lost but i can find another one.do

I lost part of me. We shared everyday acitivity, we shared our souls, we shared everything. And we loved each other. Trully loved.

I fucked totally. I hurted her because i was coward. Because i was so scarry. Its not a justication. Nothing justify lies. Nothing. Julunia has a right to think but i am a bastard, worst man in a world. I was so scarry to loose Her, that i couldnt say truth. I think She would have understood if I told her this at the beginning. 

I felt from the start that She is my angel, one and only, someone you can find once in a lifetime. And i was so scarry to tell truth to not lose this chance. You are in idiot man. You dont deserve for anything.

I would never hurt her on purpose. Never. I love Her so much. And i know we would be the most happy couple in the world. We suit so much. I love Her so much.

 

I dont know where is my Juleczka. How does she feel. What does She do. I cannot stand it. I miss Her so much. So much....

28 kwietnia 2021   Dodaj komentarz
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