Lukasz trying to deal with life, wpisy, strona 4

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Archiwum kwiecień 2021, strona 4

I didnt sleep last two nights. I am not even close to fall asleep now after 2 am. I cannot do anything.

I think my life is going to quick end.

One of our song. One of our firts song. With my transation. What a words. How dear Mirek knew?

Nie o uśmiech mi chodzi
Bo się śmiałaś nie raz
Ale o to, co kiedyś utworzyło się w nas
Coś co przyszło tak nagle
I odeszło jak wiatr
Czego w życiu najbardziej mi brak

W taką, w taką cisze
Wszystkie gwiazdy na niebie wyliczę
Ciebie, Ciebie wołam
Ale cisza i pustka dookoła

Przychodziłaś, co wieczór
By posłuchać mych płyt
O miłości w ogóle nie mówiliśmy nic
Odjechałaś tak nagle i cichutko jak mysz
Zostawiłaś swój adres i list

W taką, w taką cisze
Wszystkie gwiazdy na niebie wyliczę
Ciebie, Ciebie wołam
Ale cisza i pustka dookoła

Jesteś moim aniołem i miłością bez dna
Jesteś moją boginią, którą widzę co dnia
Jakże długo mam czekać, jakże prosić Ciebie mam
Karzesz trwać w niepewności więc trwam

W taką, w taką cisze
Wszystkie gwiazdy na niebie wyliczę
Ciebie, Ciebie wołam
Ale cisza i pustka dookoła

Choć dostaje twe listy i zdjęć parę twych mam
Żyje jak grzeszny anioł w tłumie ludzi lecz sam
Jeszcze w liście nadzieja, że spotkamy się znów
Do księżyca się śmieje przywołując Cię wróć

W taką, w taką cisze
Wszystkie gwiazdy na niebie wyliczę
Ciebie, Ciebie wołam
Ale cisza i pustka dookoła.

I dont mind about smile,

cause you smiled many times,

I mind about what happened once with us,

What came so suddenly

And went away like wind,

What i miss the most in life.

IN THAT, THAT, SILENCE

I WILL COUNT ALL STARS ON THE HEAVEN

YOU, I CALL YOU

BUT ONLY SILENCE AND EMPTINESS ARROUND

You came every evening

To listen to my records,

We didnt talk about love at all,

You went away so suddenly and silently like mouse

You left your address and letter

IN THAT, THAT, SILENCE

I WILL COUNT ALL STARS ON THE HEAVEN

YOU, I CALL YOU

BUT ONLY SILENCE AND EMPTINESS ARROUND

You are my angel and love without end,

You are my goddess, who i see every day,

How long do i have to wait, how can i ask you

You force me to stay uncertain, so i stand

IN THAT, THAT, SILENCE

I WILL COUNT ALL STARS ON THE HEAVEN

YOU, I CALL YOU

BUT ONLY SILENCE AND EMPTINESS ARROUND

I get your letters and keep few of your photo

I live like a sin angel in crowd but alone.

Hoping that we will meet again

Smiling to the moon i call you come back

First day when i had to manage working thinking about whole story.

It was a new man who called and life is so strange. I had to take bus nr 184 and went to last stop to Szczesliwice and i worked 300 m from Park Szczesliwice. Going up and down carrying things. So every single minutes i saw trees from the Park. Where exactly 10 days ago i had one of the best time in my life. Lying, having picnic amd just enjoying sun with Julunia. After 10 days, being depressed and near whole time in tears i had to manage also working. It was heavy: physically, but most of all mentally.

After this i went to special place when i was sitting three hours. It was worthy. In this time i received 3 phone calls about work tomorrow. I choose someone who i have already worked for.

Now i came back home. Silence here doesnt allow me to stand. Everything remonds me Juleczke. She should be here now. What did you do you useless idiot?

First time in my life i cannot eat. I had many stressed situations in my life, stress was always arround, my childhood, then sickness and death of my Mother. But i always reacted different. In these moments i kept on eating. Now i cannot. I feel that belly is empty but when i try to eat anything i feel like i will give it back after while.

Its not possible to sleep alsp here. Last two dramatic nights with noone arround i had to try to sleep with a light on but i failed. Just few hours being in the middle.

In this building where i worked today, i saw a beautiful picture. Because i was on the stairs near all the time i saw arround 30 years old man knocking to the door with a shopping in a bag. After a while opened him his grandma telling: come in moje Słoneczko. And immediatelly i reminded J how he called me. After maybe 20 min the man went out, but after few seconds he came back, knocked again, woman opened and he said: Grandma? I love you. It was beautiful.

So many things to say during the day.

How to live further when only J is in mind. Dont know and never will know.

I cannot sleep. I cannot stop thinking. I cannot eat. Cant imagine life without Julunia. She is also very depressed. I understand it. I would like to talk if she still is here. But she ask for not. Even if one hundred percent of me screaming to talk to her, i have to respect that J doesnt want. She was and always will be my breath. Living without breathing its not possible.

Lukasz trying to deal with life

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Archiwum kwiecień 2021, strona 4

Night from 21 to 22

"W taką ciszę"

Wednesday 21/04

21/04 first whole day without

pn	wt	sr	cz	pt	so	nd
29	30	31	01	02	03	04
05	06	07	08	09	10	11
12	13	14	15	16	17	18
19	20	21	22	23	24	25
26	27	28	29	30	01	02

pn	wt	sr	cz	pt	so	nd
29	30	31	01	02	03	04
05	06	07	08	09	10	11
12	13	14	15	16	17	18
19	20	21	22	23	24	25
26	27	28	29	30	01	02

pn	wt	sr	cz	pt	so	nd
29	30	31	01	02	03	04
05	06	07	08	09	10	11
12	13	14	15	16	17	18
19	20	21	22	23	24	25
26	27	28	29	30	01	02