Lukasz trying to deal with life

The deepest whole of nothing I have ever been.

The biggest pain in heart I could imagine.

Eyes have no more power to put more tears.

Last days I am not able to stand on.

I am not.able to make a dinner, to go the shop, I am not.able to make laundry. 

I dont know how is She. If She is fine, because for her that was not real love and she easily found her way, has a new man, run normal. Or she is like me, she struggles. If this, should I write, should I contact, should I fight? I follow her words, to leave her alone, but maybe I make mistake, I should against her words go to her, fight???? I let her live in false world, false picture about me. How can I do this, if for her lie about my past, my problem with money was enough to finish our story like this. I watched documentary film about people in prison, they did bigger fault and their womans stay with them. They love them

I ruined her world, I destroyed our fairy tale, and I understand my Sweetie, my Baby. She has right to do what she did. But why always me, why always worst scenario come to.my life. What I did wrong God? Why you punish me like these all the time?

Last night amomg these deep depressioned days, I had marvelous dream. We were together. Julunia as always: beautiful, fragile, sensitive. Like in real life. She was and is my Angel from the sweetest dream. Then I woke up. I of course was thinking about this dream, tears came, I put on tv and there first second.of song. Of song which I always loved. But because it was first song of today, I was still thinking about that dream and I focused on words from this song. Just incredible. Unreal. Not existed people who read this diary look at words from that song:

No, I can't forget this evening, 

Or your face as you were leaving,

But I guess that's just the way the story goes, 

You always smile, but in your eyes your sorrow shows, 

Yes, it shows, 

No, I can't forget tomorrow, 

When I think of all my sorrow, 

When I had you there, 

But then I let you go, 

And now it's only fair that I should let you know, 

What you should know, 

I can't live, If living is without you, 

I can't live, I can't give anymore, 

I can't live, If living is without you, 

I can't give, I can't give anymore, 

Well, I can't forget this evening, 

Or your face as you were leaving, 

But I guess that's just the way the story goes, 

You always smile, but in your eyes your sorrow shows, 

Yes, it shows, 

I can't live, If living is without you, 

I can't live, I can't give anymore, 

I can't live, If living is without you, 

I can't live, I can't give anymore, 

No, I can't live, No, I can't live