12/05/22 14:04
Have absolutely no power to write here. Everyday I try, but its above my ability.
Today I had again a good dream about Her, so its easier...
Noone read it and I doubt someone will ever, but it must be difficult and boring to see. Only complains, sadness, tears. But its my life, how it looks, and will always.
Pray for my Dad every day. A lot. Lies with big pain, no ability to moove, to speak. How much does He has to suffer this life. Yes, He made a lot of mistakes when was younger and I was a kid, but God... How much... Its enough, doesnt it? I so much would love to see Him again alive. My plans are to go to Him end of May/beginning of June. But I ask God, to not allow to make Him so much suffering. And maybe to not be aware about how does it look...
Every day this days I remind my beloved Mum. 7 years ago, today about 6:30 pm I saw Her for the last time. I so much miss Her. If She exist, maybe She would be able to make me stand up... She loved me like noone else...
And Julunia. Nothing change and will never change. When I have a dream about Her, sometimes better, sometimes worse, I am grateful. So much grateful. That I saw Her, in this dream. Listened Her voice, look at Her face. The best what happened in this life to me.
Here difficult also physically. Since my last note, I mooved to other room. When I am alone. But still when I come back from work, I am able to sleep 3-4 hours, then tired whole day. I am not able to change it. Try everything. I need this work. Ruin my healt, but I need it.