| pn | wt | sr | cz | pt | so | nd |
| 28 | 29 | 30 | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 |
| 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 |
| 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |
| 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 |
| 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 01 |
Something wrong is happening with my head from few days. I feel dizzy, headache at the back of head, I am losing my memory, its difficult for me to remind obvious things: names of people, events from past. I started to have attacks of being scarried because of something. Many times I lose my balance while staying.
This is terryfying.
She was in my dream again.
Absolutely marvelous 6 hours.
In this black hopelesness days fulfilled only with mental pain and tears, comes sometimes moment of beauty, when I see Her like She is. Smiled, gorgeous, loved.
When I fall asleep forever, will I see Her again?
Cant stand this time. Two years ago I spend my only one Christmas time with happiness and love.
I was the most happy man in world. Juleczka was next to me. We visited old town in Warsaw. We celebrated Christmas song, Christmas atmosfere. Love was in the air. Everywhere.
I waited for such a time all my life. And experienced it just one time and never more.
Being aware that I will never love and never will be loved makes this life completely nonsense.
Every day I fell down more. How this mentallity still exists? Or maybe it not. Anymore. Maybe it just body exists. Soul dissapeared.
Not existed readers:
You dont Her. You dont know how marvelous soul She has. Pure, well hearted. You dont know how big treasure I found. And missed. Diamond among stones. Sun arround clouds, rainbow in the storm, rose between nettles.
And how impossible is run a normal life after this lost.
I killed myself.
But what is worse, I hurted the most pure soul on this world.
So beautiful, trustfull. How is She, how is She ...