Lukasz trying to deal with life, wpisy, strona 2

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3 months ago we came back from unreal beautiful time by the Wisla and at this time we went to play chess outdoor and badminton.

I am looking for Julunia outside, calling her by name now...

We were by the Wisla on a marvelous picnic.

I am dying of missing these moments.........

Whole yesterday spent on looking for a work. I need money to live and to pay my debts. Noone replied, no support. Big pain in head after crying about Julunia. I so much need Her.

With Her, with support from their normai family we would go together to work somewhere abroad. I would work heavily just to have this behind. Like this now its not possible to live anymore.

Why I lied her, why I didnt tell her truth from beginning? Maybe she would have understood. Maybe she would have supported. And together passed this.

I am so scarry what will happen today. Heart pains during whole night. I dreamed about Julunia.

God....

No work now, no money.

I did what I could.

If I at least have ato support from Her... I would have power to fight.

I am at the bottom of spirit. Only miracle can give me power to struggle longer. But I doubt it will happen.

I love you Julcia. I am a good man. Not lucky, but good. I did what I could. I love you.

Its 15th of July. Evening. One year ago at this time we were by the Wisla. Was sunny, warm, marvelous day by the river. We met after Julia`s work there. And walked. Walked. Walked. Hugged. Kept each other hands. Kissed. Looked at ourselves. Loved. Today by the weather is also marvelous day. So similar but so different. Awful. Useless. Without Her...

I check every few minutes gmail. If She sends something. But from so many days no. Its already near 3 months and She doesnt change her mind. Still thinks I am so bad. Someone told her to behave like this, stop every contacts and She keeps it. Just terrible. But I wait and will wait all my life. I feel a little little better when I feel her somehow. That She is present online. I still so much care about Her. How she deals. Maybe without point. Maybe She already is very fine. I would like to know. I still so much love Her and will forever.

Was so fine to have someone who took care about me. When one small pain was a topic to talk about. Now when I struggle to survive every day to not collapse I have no Her to care. If I die today noone cares, noone cry... Only my Dad.

Cazzo only faith that one day She will contact, She will miss give me any hope and strenght to live. Its so so difficult. And in meanwhile I have to find a work to live, to pay my debts. Without mental support from Her, its so difficult. I really dont know how long I can still do this.

For now I can only watch photos and read our whatsapp from one year before...

Lukasz trying to deal with life

Kalendarz

Strony

Archiwum

Archiwum lipiec 2021, strona 2

18/07 17:10 three months after

18/07 13:25 three months ago...

17.07 saturday 07:38

16/07 16:36

One year after 15/07 20:44

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