Lukasz trying to deal with life, wpisy, strona 3

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Julunia, I miss you.

Every day without you is useless. My life is useless.

Cazzo I am dying of lonelyness.

Love you my little Baby..........

Worst and worst every day.

In a while I will got crazy. I think about Her every fucking minute. I will never understand the way she treats me. I was awful lier. I was weak. But still I am good hearted man. I was sure we are the same. I cannot accept that I never seen her again and I never talked to her again.

I cannot stop thinking how she deal with this. Was it really so easy to forget and start a new life? She really treated this as a experience? Exercise? Something new? Maybe she already have a boyfriend, really dont know, if it was so easy to forget... or maybe she suffers like me? Hope not...

Cazzo if I have one small signal. I am so sure we would be so happy together, people forgive themselves much worse things, why I always have to meet the worst solution in life.

I am literally dying of missing. My mind doesnt work. My physics is destroyed. I work so hard and my backbone today pains really strong. Few months ago it was never so strong. And I would have received a massage. By her beautiful fragile hands. Which I love. Cazzo I will thing about girl till end of my life, who hates me. I so much love her. So much miss her. God....

I have nothing and noone.

God please stop this life. Please

So its like this God.

You created me as a good hearted man. Mentally strong, but fragile and not modern. Who can forgive near everything, but who never receive forgiveness from others. You gave me history and experience which I tried to carry, but when unexpected beautiful times happened, I was to weak to face it. I failed, and person who I hurted is not able to give me anything after. Who cannot pass over this. Who hates me, when I still crazy love her.

When this big experience in my life hit me in 2015, I think I passed exam. I did what I could. I dreamed about family, girlfriend, wife. But not typical. Fragile, very female, beautiful, good hearted. But I knew what I have to deal with and after time runned, I realized that this probably will never happen. I got used to live alone. It was not happy life, but for me just normal.

Then came Julunia. Better than my dreamed girl. Much better. I loved her character, I loved her body. I loved and still love Her whole myself. But I couldnt deal with my obligation I had.

I received life which normal mature man should have. Woman at home, shared duties, shopping for two, care about someone else, being loved, sleeping together. The most marvelous time anyone can imagine.

But I lasted 14 months. Is that all I received from you God?

Now just suffering till the rest of life? For sure I am not able to love anyone else. And she hates me.

I am not able to watch a moovie, go for a walk, go to shops we used to go. I am not able to live anymore.

This is not fair God, too much for me. I have enough.

Nothing tastes when I eat alone.

Very good kebab or dinner which sometimes I buy have absolutely no sense. Taste of the very good food is Someone who share eating with you.

I have zero satisfaction from food now.

Since I found out how is to eat with Someone beloved, now its not possible to come back to past.

Our breakfasts, cornflakes plus coffee, plus sandwich for me made by Juleczka. Lunches: salads, piadina with hummus. Dinners: soups, pizza, salads from one bowl feeding one another... Cazzo, how I miss it. I would give everything to have this feeling again.

I dont go to eat to the places where we ate together. I everywhere see my Baby.

I talk to Her many times during the day. What does She do in the same time, there in Italy...

Lukasz trying to deal with life

Kalendarz

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Archiwum

Archiwum lipiec 2021, strona 3

13/07 22:37

12/07 so sad 21:45

11/07 15:48

09/07 20:55

07/07 18:52

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