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Lukasz trying to deal with life

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Archiwum 22 maja 2021

Saturday evening 22/05 I dont understand...

Crazy painful.

 

Did I know real Julia? Or she played.

I lied, I fucked. I was awful. I will never forgive myself that I didnt tell the truth.

 

But what did She do after? Made a sentence, judgment without having listened to me. Without trying to understand. That i was coward. That I lost myself. But in general did I do it for my comfort? For fun? To protect Her. To protect us. It was a mistake, I know. 

 

Cmon, dont give me a chance to talk? I am so full of pain.

My love to Her will never change or fly away. I just dont understand. I wait every day, every hour, every minute and comes nothing.

Cazzo, I am worse and worse everyday because I dont have a chance to talk. This would give me a relief. Why She didnt even try to understand me? 

 

I am done...

22 maja 2021   Dodaj komentarz

Saturday 22/05 08:44

Waked up very early as always. Cannot sleep...

I dreamed about past but with a mind which is placed nowadays. So I was in situation in my past but knowing that I am already in 2021. I dreamed about my Mother. About my school. About my work in tv. And of course about Juleczka.

 

Its Saturday morning. It should be breakfast in the bed. Cornflakes with a coffee. And my Baby next to me. Baby who hates me now that She is not able to send any message from near 3 weeks.

I havent eaten cornflakes since She left. Like vegetables, fruits. After over one year of food habits. My belly is destroyed. Like me soul.

 

I have no plan for this Saturday. Its gonna be rainy cold day. I will just lie and think about my Princess. How is She, how does She feel. There is nothing worse than broken heart. After all my life, difficult life experience, I see this. I would give everyrhing, clearly everything to see Her, touch Her, hug Her. Like we always hugged. Gentle, with Love. God, this is to be survived...

22 maja 2021   Dodaj komentarz
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