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Mirek Bregula, its 14 years since you finished your life. Thank you for your music, for marvelous true songs.
I listen every day, I virtually sing with Julunia.
I cry a lot during listening.
I understand you. You were very sensitive man. I am like you. Hope that you are fine in heaven. That God understood you. And will understand me.
Thank you Mirek.
Mum, you were dying alone. I was not next to you. I didnt keep your hands. I didnt hug you. I know that you were scared. What will be happen? You were not ready...
I am so sorry. The woman in the hospital room said me that you were calling for me whole that night. And I was not there. I am sorry. I cant forgive myself this.
If you look at me now, you are not happy. You see destroyed person. I am sorry. I can do anything with this. I tried. I did what I could. I didnt managed. I am sorry my Mum.
My only hope is that you dont suffer any more.
See you soon Mum.
Mum,
7 years ago we stand at cmentery and Everything started.
I am closer you than anytime before.
Mum, i pracy every day as much as I am able for you. I Hope you are in paradise.
If there is any Hope, give me support.
Swat Beloved Mum...
The deepest whole of nothing I have ever been.
The biggest pain in heart I could imagine.
Eyes have no more power to put more tears.
Last days I am not able to stand on.
I am not.able to make a dinner, to go the shop, I am not.able to make laundry.
I dont know how is She. If She is fine, because for her that was not real love and she easily found her way, has a new man, run normal. Or she is like me, she struggles. If this, should I write, should I contact, should I fight? I follow her words, to leave her alone, but maybe I make mistake, I should against her words go to her, fight???? I let her live in false world, false picture about me. How can I do this, if for her lie about my past, my problem with money was enough to finish our story like this. I watched documentary film about people in prison, they did bigger fault and their womans stay with them. They love them
I ruined her world, I destroyed our fairy tale, and I understand my Sweetie, my Baby. She has right to do what she did. But why always me, why always worst scenario come to.my life. What I did wrong God? Why you punish me like these all the time?
Last night amomg these deep depressioned days, I had marvelous dream. We were together. Julunia as always: beautiful, fragile, sensitive. Like in real life. She was and is my Angel from the sweetest dream. Then I woke up. I of course was thinking about this dream, tears came, I put on tv and there first second.of song. Of song which I always loved. But because it was first song of today, I was still thinking about that dream and I focused on words from this song. Just incredible. Unreal. Not existed people who read this diary look at words from that song:
No, I can't forget this evening,
Or your face as you were leaving,
But I guess that's just the way the story goes,
You always smile, but in your eyes your sorrow shows,
Yes, it shows,
No, I can't forget tomorrow,
When I think of all my sorrow,
When I had you there,
But then I let you go,
And now it's only fair that I should let you know,
What you should know,
I can't live, If living is without you,
I can't live, I can't give anymore,
I can't live, If living is without you,
I can't give, I can't give anymore,
Well, I can't forget this evening,
Or your face as you were leaving,
But I guess that's just the way the story goes,
You always smile, but in your eyes your sorrow shows,
Yes, it shows,
I can't live, If living is without you,
I can't live, I can't give anymore,
I can't live, If living is without you,
I can't live, I can't give anymore,
No, I can't live, No, I can't live
Another questions without answers....
....
I am very bad mentally today, yesterday. I dont understand, I dont get, how its possible she doesnt want to talk to me, she hates me so much.
She left completely felt in love man. Desert him, let him go down under the water. I never did things she accused me of!!!! Yes, I was fucking disgusting lier, disgusting coward. But I was sure she will leave me. I was sure! Life doesnt give me any respect, better for me would be never be born. I had normal life, then this thing with not my debt came, and when I never expected something like real love can come to my life, it came, was the beautest dream can happen, and then gone like the wind. Of course the worst scenario. In other peoples story woman can forgive so many things, in my of course Love couldnt forgive that I was scarry and lied...
I cant believe this. I am completely under the water now. I so much love her. I think about her every minute after 6 months of not seeing her. Baby....
I do everything I can. I gave all the money to the bank, I started giving back money to the owner. Now I do everything to send her as quick as possible. But I dont know how long I can struggle more... without her I am noone. Without Her I cannot fight. Without Her I have no power. I need Her. I so much need Her love....
Mum, I need your support from heaven. I am really so weak mentally. Without mental help I will fall down and will not be able to stand... This is more close than anytime before.