| pn | wt | sr | cz | pt | so | nd |
| 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 01 | 02 | 03 |
| 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 |
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 |
| 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
On a way to work.
So cold and depressing weather.
Again slept about my treasure. We were so happy and again I saw the beautest thing on this world - Juleczka smile. Now in my mind since I waked up. Writing about this makes my eyes wet. I am crying in a tram.
Have a good day Julunia. You dont know this, but this is all what I want from that Friday.
I worked a lot last few days, including 26 hours in a row starting Saturday 5 am finishing Sunday 7 am. We prapared decoration for big event, first wedding unniversary of very famous and rich people. I was there during this party, saw all this famous people. Not my world. Big money, alcohol, drugs, not natural feelings. I prefer my small room, small things, my beautest Juleczka...
In a while it will be six months without you. What keeps me in this world is to look at your photos, reminds memories and hope. Hope which will never go away. That you are like me. That for you love, real love can happen just once in a lifetime. That you will understand me a little. I so much miss your voice, your hands, your touch, your smile. Every hour when I dont work is a struggle, I think only about you. Today I have free day from work. In a while I will go to the Piaski to the places where we were together. I will close my eyes and imagine that we walk together hand by hand...
We sang " dobrze, ze jestes, dobrze, ze jestes, dobrze ze jestes. Jestes, jestes, jestes. Co by to bylo, gdyby Cie nie bylo. Co by to bylo, bylo, bylo, bylo...."
Now I know what it would be if you are not here. Unreal sadness, unreal pain, emptyness, whole, black hole.
When I have free days, I try to kill time watching tv, youtube. When you were here, I didnt do it. Very rarery we watched something. I dont count moovies watching together. Its easy to see what is important in life. Have someone who is everything for you. Then all world arround doesnt exist...
We started October, now six months which I dont like. When you were here, this sharing year for april-september and october-march didnt exist, because all months were like paradise... now all like deepest part of hell.
My father is very weak. God please give Him health. I admire Him how he struggles with all this sickness He has. I need Him. I need my Father...
Its 162 days I havent seen you, havent heard your voice, havent touched, kissed you.
Its 162 days of blackest whole anyone can imagine.
Worse day by day.
I cannot stand it anymore.
Julcia, my Sweetie, I cannot. My head I am sure will be destroyed very soon.
Noone cannot live without most part of himself. And you are bigger, better part of me.
162 days.
I am so bad now. Dont want to live anymore.
Last week I was 4 days out of Warsaw, working as decoration for wedding near Katowice.
I was among very nice people. We waked up very early, went for a breakfast for a dining room and then went for a luxury hotel to organize a rich wedding. We worked 12-14 hours per day and then came back to our smaller hotel. Every evening we spent time all together chilling out after work, drinking beers and talking. It was very nice time! Among my dark lonelyness and depression time I can share with other people, its very necessary, and helpful. Usually I make very shitty work, so this was something extra. Dont know when if ever, will be next possibility.
I hate that in this world there are these drugs, even this light like marihuana. I have never used it, I have never even kept in my hands. People after it are not themselves, this not naturally change of mood, I dont like it. Me and Juleczka never used it.
There were two very nice girls among us working there. They were nice for me, called me Lukaszunio, well its something not happens every day that people are so nice. And they were very good looking, young. If it happens before I met Julcia, maybe I would try to use it somehow, to make more close relation. But I am really not able. And I will never be. I love my one and only, who doesnt contact me at all. Who hates me. This is crazy and to be understand, not to be resolved.
There is not even one hour I dont think about her. In my free time, all the time. After coming back from this work, I went to Piaski as always, to close eyes and imagine us there. First thing in the morning, I do is to kiss cross and Julcia photo. Last - say sogni d`oro to her. Every day I wait. I will never stop dream. I will never stope hope. Its crazy difficult
Sunday morning. I am after 4 days of work out of Warsaw.
Today free. I have so many reflection after. I will write later. For now I am just crazy painfull. I so much miss our Sunday morning in a bed. Later we would go for a long walk by the Wisla in this beautiful weather. Oh My God, how difficult to survive this missing, when you love...