| pn | wt | sr | cz | pt | so | nd |
| 30 | 31 | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 |
| 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 |
| 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |
| 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 |
| 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 01 | 02 | 03 |
5 months ago after our marvelous Sunday by the Wisla, badminton and chess outside. After we loved.
I am in deepest black depression whole anyone can imagine. Every minute is struggle to fight.
Smile of Juleczka, her voice, hands. Cazzo, Julcia...
Lonelyness is killing me. I was alone whole life. I didnt know love. When she came, I discovered it. And now, after, I cannot come back to live like before. I cannot. And of course I am not able to love someone else.
Everytime when I go to the shop, I take broccula to my hand, and I talk to Julubia about our salad for the dinner. Then I leave it.
I am not able to watch any moovie alone.
I am dying of missing. Crying many times every day. How long yet it can run like this? Not to long.
After season of my last work is finished I desperately look for work abroad. I sent many application today. Hopefully something will happen.
Days like now are completely depressing. I think about Julcia all the time. I dreamt about her last night, it was very nice dream, we made love, we loved.
Now I was watching photos. I really dont understand that I pay for being sick of weakness about my past that prize. We could manage this TOGETHER when truth was known. I cared so much always when She was not good, with her arm, always when She was not fine, I felt pain more than my own one. I never felt this feeling that I could jump to the fire only to rescue her.
And then after she found out that I was coward and didnt tell truth, I just heard the most cruel sentence in my life: we walked together for a while.
No. No. No. For me it was not walk for a while. For me you are everything. I cannot stop love you. I cannot forget about you. I cannot erase you and run normal life. Thats fucking me.... cazzzzzzzzzzzzzoo
I am again at the border. Border of struggling.
I cannot live anymore without her.
She showed me love, care. She was everything for me.
She called me Łukaszek.
I miss her voice, her smile, feel her hand, her support. I need her. I need her more than breathe.
I need you Julcia... thats too much, I am one step from resigning to fight.
Its Sunday afternoon. I worked from 4am to 12.
Now I have free afternoon. Its marvelous weather, probably last this year sunday like this. And Juleczka is not next to me. I didnt see Her face, hear Her voice, touch Her hand from near 5 months.
CAZZZZZZZO HOW MUCH I MISS