First Christmas without word "love". And till the end of life only such left...
From birthday till 2013 - Christmas with my Family. With Mum who always took care about everything. Who holded family as a one part. It was not brilliant time. Many urgements. Mother and Father who whole year were not so close. By one table... I didnt like Christmas. I didnt like when they/we urged... But finally we were together....
Christmas 2014 - 1,5 months after Mother went to hospital with first signs of cancer... Few days before Christmas we found out which kind of cancer it is. 18th or 19th December I heard it from doctor. That is cancer which nothing and noone can heal. That left few months of life... This shock... Next day I had to make Christmas tree at home. For my Mum. For Her probably last Christmas... I didnt like do it. But I had to. For Her... 21st She came back from hospital. We knew that's for Her last Christmas. She didnt know... She was weak but we together prepared this. Her last Christmas. 4,5 months later She passed away...
2015 - 2018 - Christmas to forget. With Family of my Brother or abroad, alone. I still had my Father. Who was already sick, every year became more good, more marvelous as a Father. He was the One who kept saying He loves me...
2019 - after coming back to Poland, I stayed in a hostel. SHE was there. We met. She came back to Italy before Christmas but we were in phone contact. First time in my life I was in love. After Christmas Eve we talked over 1,5 hours by the phone... I remember this talk, remember this feeling...
2020 - one and only Chrtimas wiht Love next to me. It was corona time. No possibility to meet other people. We spend it together. Only She and me. We made a food. Some Christmas lighting Juleczka made on a wall. We made small bunch from Christmas tree. We loved. I cry a lot now writing these words. I have no power to make a letters from my memory. Unbelievable time. Only one such in my life. Which cannot be happened again without Her...
2021 - Christmas after Juleczka left. Anything cannot be the same after. I was not a human anymore. Existed, not alived... Went to my Father home. We spend two days together. Made a food, talked, being. Together... Last Christmas together. With heart that I love Him, and I am loved...
2022 - since my Father collapsed in February, no more contact with Him. I couldnt even visited Him, cause I am abroad and I didnt get a holiday from work... He is there alone, in a hospital... My only hope is that He has no conscionous. I am here alone. With only memory and tears. Hoped that She is fine and has a good Christmas with Her family...
I doubt there will be another part of this Christmas history...