| pn | wt | sr | cz | pt | so | nd |
| 31 | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 |
| 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 |
| 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 |
| 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 |
| 28 | 29 | 30 | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 |
Going to work in the morning. Its gonna be heavy work.
I know She also works heavily to pay debt towards father. I would loke to give back money as quick as it is possible. I do what I can.
Cazzo how much I love person who hates me....
Cazzo, how to survive all of this...
So many people says that love doesnt exist. I didnt believed in it.
I was so sure She loved me. But of course not. Maybe She liked or She was exited because it was something new in Her life (mine also). But for sure it was no love.
I should start being bad man. Like all others drugs, sex, no care about anything. But I am not able.
I really dont want to live anymore.
All your letter is about money and lie. You dont make any effort to understand me, my past, what these events is my life made in my mind and how scarry I was to face truth not to lose you. You didnt even one percent try to understand my sick behaving. You dont listen to me words, what I say, write now. For you it means nothing. You focused only at lies I made. I try to understand these but its so difficult.
What you made after, in last two month, how you treated me, is inhuman. People who make unreal bad things are receiving better understanding. You made from me the biggest shit, the biggest rubbish existed. Adding to this that I already treat myself like this, doesnt allow me to come back to normal life anymore. But i try to understand why you are doing this. You never even tried to understand me. You put all good I did to the trash.
If you put in google name of my mother, surname and city you will receive a link to the court confirmation about bank, credit, court. It would be better if I went to jail than this lying? I wanted to protect us, because I trusted what you repeated me that you love me. I wanted to make everything good. Pay this debt, dont go to jail and still be together. Thats why I said i wanted to protect us. That was sick, now I know...
If i let you grow up - perfect, my useless life had one plus. Its a pity that I dont receive nothing now.
You let love you very fragile and sensitive man who cannot stand the way you farewelled him. You exactly know how sensitive I am and it still let you behave like this after. Without any respect.
Run your life, maybe one day you will see how inhuman you behaved towards me. Meet other people, other man, younger, richer, better. Maybe one day you will see something more than these lying and money...
Looks i was just adventure for you, you were, are and always be everything good what met me in me awful unfair life.
I dont know if it was worthy for me, you gave me unreal happiness, but what is happening now is more cruel, more painful that any pain you can imagine in life. Death of me beloved holly Mother which was I was 100 percent sure the worst thing can happen to person, is not even small part of suffering i feel every day.
I dont feel any happiness, football, sport, youtube, google doesnt exist. I cannot walk because immediatelly I imagine that you are there with me.
Picture with the money was not with your money because these money I immediatelly put half to pay credit rate, half I paid to the owner, I showed you in previous letter proofs. Picture with the money came from 2018 money I made in Uk and I made this photo to make myself sometimes happy that when I will have work I will be able to make money and pay this unreal debt.
Struggling with Nest was not a lie. I had account blocked and I every month had to pay this amount we paid, and then bank transfered it to this credit... Another fail, but I cannot tell anything, all is against me...
I didnt switch off phone to not be contacted with owner, I always prefered to contact him than having him in the room. Till I hoped my brother will not do what he did. I cannot tell you what was lie, what not ij direct talk. Unreal...
Left by everyone. Means that I am piece of shit. Or unreal unlucky to the people. But no, I am clearly piece of shit.
You deserted me like a rubbish. Like even crime man is not deserted by the other.
You knew that I have noone. No mother, no healthy father. Now you know that after this happens in my life in 2014 i got depressed, I deserted myself from all people and now I dont have even close friends. Stricktly noone to talk.
I lied you about money, you lied about your feelings. You never loved me Giulia. I have been told that i am loved. Thousand times... What is happening now is denying about love. Deserted like rubbish. Even if someone doesnt want to love anymore, care about what will happen to other. Dont treat like I am piece of shit.
I was used to let grow up? And then threw out like useless plastic, rubbish?
When you go into relation, you share your life, you take responsibility not only for yourself but also for others life.
In the blackest scenario I couldnt expect that my brother will do what he did. In the blackest scenario I couldnt expect that after 1,5 years of crazy love Giula will leave me like I am nothing.
What happened was only my fault. Unforgivinable fault. But whas is happening now? Unreal.
I love you like noone else in the world. Knowing that is feeling without point, I have no choice.
I got to the border of suffering.
I will never stop love you. Useless stupid but I am like this...
The way how easy it came to you to treat me like this, to finish, to not give yourself, me, us, chance is unreal. Person who love never give up so easily. Never. Everyone told me that, and I told myself that. Because its obvious. You never tried to put yourself into my position. After what I survived in years from 2014 until I met you and then what I survived during our relation struggling about my ( MY stolen) money with my "brother". I always tried to understand you. To moove myself into your position.
You never put a small exercise to try to understand my feers, my scarries. It hurts as nothing else before in my life. Because I never known you so unreal selfish. The way you cut, broke, doesnt matter if this rubbish, shit - Łukasz, will survive this or he will do sth bad to himself, doesnt matter. Its his life. He is an adult. "Relation". "Connection". Few hours before in Las you so falled in love said "ja bardzo kocham Ciebie". This is unreal.
You stopped seing seing my sensitive, you dont care how I struggle now, which is unreal effort for me. You see just this lies. I understand it. But...
Yes, I am very dissappointed. I felt from the beginning that you will never struggle with this problems with me. That you will prefer to run away. But not from me. From problems. Because i never did it protect myself. If I want to protect myself I would behave differently. All I did it was to protect us, our relation. I fighted till the end. And never got any advantages from this. Just wanted to gain time, thats why all these lies you talk about in your letter. But yes, I did it to protect myself, to steal money from your parents and you and have fun....................
It will always be only my fault what happened. Only. I will always say sorry to you. Yes, deeply in my soul i believed that you loved and you will try to understand... didnt happen. But i will never stop feel what I feel for you. One love in my life. Love is given....
Maybe one day you will see something more than these lies which now covered you all good things we shared. For me it was not a adventure. Not a walk for a while...
Przepraszam Julunia.
When you come back home, and go to bed - sogni d`oro Juleczka.
I virtually hug you from the back. You said that you are not able to fall asleep alone again. I hug you my dearest Baby.
Have a good night Sweetie.
Coming back from work.
Crying.
Whole day in hide in tears.
37 years old man who survived near everything in life. Losing love, one and only, was too much.
Cannot struggle more. I scream to God if He exist: help! Why all of this happens to me?
This is a fucking nightmare. Unreal silent. After my pack, letter. No words after.
Julunia kocham Cie.