Lukasz trying to deal with life, Najnowsze wpisy, wpisy, strona 62

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Najnowsze wpisy, strona 62

Waked up very early as always. Cannot sleep...

I dreamed about past but with a mind which is placed nowadays. So I was in situation in my past but knowing that I am already in 2021. I dreamed about my Mother. About my school. About my work in tv. And of course about Juleczka.

Its Saturday morning. It should be breakfast in the bed. Cornflakes with a coffee. And my Baby next to me. Baby who hates me now that She is not able to send any message from near 3 weeks.

I havent eaten cornflakes since She left. Like vegetables, fruits. After over one year of food habits. My belly is destroyed. Like me soul.

I have no plan for this Saturday. Its gonna be rainy cold day. I will just lie and think about my Princess. How is She, how does She feel. There is nothing worse than broken heart. After all my life, difficult life experience, I see this. I would give everyrhing, clearly everything to see Her, touch Her, hug Her. Like we always hugged. Gentle, with Love. God, this is to be survived...

You came to my life when i was depressed. Few years which dropped me down from normal young life to biggest hole. I didnt see that something positive can happen. Few years of unsinned knock out.

We didnt talk about everything what was not worthy to talk. I never asked about your experienced and problems with medicines, i just knew you had. I didnt talk about this. I just wanted to have this behind. I waited for it. And now it appears that it didnt happen. I lost myself then of saying about this or not. I fucked.

But you left me in my emptiness like I am piece of shit. Probably I am then.

This emptiness after you is now not to overpass. For me love was love. And always will be. Why I am like this? Cazzo, why I am so stupid and just suffer. Today level of suffering is crazy. I walked a little by the street with head down and eyes in tears. No point to walk not having you next to me. You are everything for me. I am not able to beat it.

And i write it to noone. Just to myself. Cazzo, why you dont want to know me. I cannot believe it....

God, how much I would like to see you, hear you, touch you, kiss you.

God, how much I love you. How much miss...

I am not able to live like this.

I knew from the beginning that i have the most gentle, delicate, fragile second half in the world. And that hurt Her will mean sth uncomparable to anything else.

That She will suffer, She will react unpredictable.

But even in worse scenario I couldnt suppose that it will end like this. Without talk. Without see. Without trying to understand.

In my meaning of love people dont leave one another when second one fucked. Not so straight. Of course in my meaning of love also people dont lie one another. They can trust themselves. Cazzo. I already admitted this so many times. That I fucked. And i cannot forgive myself.

But dont I deserve at least attempt to understand? To talk? Left me like I am peace of shit. Cazzo, I dont understand it. I loved, love and will love anyway. What She felt? Feels? Why I cannot know it.

Silent is never a way. Its sth to cruel. So many question without answers.

Giulia, cazzo, its not a way...

In monthly anniversary of our last night together, I dreamed whole night about us. She was with me. We were so happy together. Everything was like during this year together.

Today its one month we last time seen, talked, kissed, hugged, laughed, loved. We were at picnic at awf, then went to Las, it was beautiful april weather. We walked hand by hand. Then came collapse. And I never seen her again.

There is nothing worse than this kind of farewell. Without saying goodbye directly, without final talk. I am always strickt to myself, but why always people are so strickt to me. Am I really so bad? Or just to fair, and this makes me only problem. I dont know. I have been waiting for any message, but silence arround.

This is the most awful think can happen. This silence arround. Any contact. Does She force herself or by someone to behave like this thinking its a good idea? Or doesnt She really care?

I cannot believe this is happening.

I will never forgive myself what I did. Keeping this fucking mystery. What the fuck did you do you retard...

Lukasz trying to deal with life

Kalendarz

Strony

Archiwum

Najnowsze wpisy, strona 62

Saturday 22/05 08:44

21/05 21:00 pain is too strong

20/05 22:52

20/05 18:53

19/05 20:22 one month after

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