Lukasz trying to deal with life, wpisy, strona 2

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Worst day since She left.

One of the worst in my life.

I can not stand it anymore.

I am really strong man.

Death of my beloved Mother didnt kill me.

Circumstance that I have to pay no my debit didnt kill me.

Being left alone to struggle with this by my family didnt kill me.

Leaving comfortable life and losing work at offices didnt kill me.

Going abroad alone, work physically, having no roof didnt kill me.

Sickness of my father, being robbed by my brother didnt kill me.

Leaving me by Giulia killed me.

Her silent and no chance to being listened is killing me.

Losing love killed me.

Losing hope is killing me.

I dont understand. I dont suit to this world. Think about yourself - saying everyone. I cannot. I am not able. Always about others. And now its time to pay for this.

I am not able to fight anymore. I already lost my power, my spirit fight. This is too much for me. I love Her so much that I am not able to live anymore. I am literally dying... Any light ahead

We teached how to love.

How to let someone being loved.

We teached our bodies. Our weak and strong points.

We teached each other life with someone.

I didnt pass exam.

Przepraszam.

Sunday morning.

Time for breakfast in the bed. What a time for us sunday always was. Breakfast in a bed, then my mass, and then marvelous time whole day together. Always walk, games, moovies. Cazzo, I was in heaven. Now I am in a bed and have no idea.what to do. I am pretty sure I should not listened to Her. I should have been already in Italy to meet Her. If for Her, after what we survived together, over one month after is still not enough time even to talk to me... I should be there, I should not listened always to others.

Till late I watched Eurovisioj Song Contest. I dont know if Giulia watch it, if like it, because last year when we were together, there was no Eurovision because of coronavirus. This year won of course Italy. Just to make it more painfull.

What can I do? I will just spend another useless day of waiting for Her message...

Crazy painful.

Did I know real Julia? Or she played.

I lied, I fucked. I was awful. I will never forgive myself that I didnt tell the truth.

But what did She do after? Made a sentence, judgment without having listened to me. Without trying to understand. That i was coward. That I lost myself. But in general did I do it for my comfort? For fun? To protect Her. To protect us. It was a mistake, I know.

Cmon, dont give me a chance to talk? I am so full of pain.

My love to Her will never change or fly away. I just dont understand. I wait every day, every hour, every minute and comes nothing.

Cazzo, I am worse and worse everyday because I dont have a chance to talk. This would give me a relief. Why She didnt even try to understand me?

I am done...

Waked up very early as always. Cannot sleep...

I dreamed about past but with a mind which is placed nowadays. So I was in situation in my past but knowing that I am already in 2021. I dreamed about my Mother. About my school. About my work in tv. And of course about Juleczka.

Its Saturday morning. It should be breakfast in the bed. Cornflakes with a coffee. And my Baby next to me. Baby who hates me now that She is not able to send any message from near 3 weeks.

I havent eaten cornflakes since She left. Like vegetables, fruits. After over one year of food habits. My belly is destroyed. Like me soul.

I have no plan for this Saturday. Its gonna be rainy cold day. I will just lie and think about my Princess. How is She, how does She feel. There is nothing worse than broken heart. After all my life, difficult life experience, I see this. I would give everyrhing, clearly everything to see Her, touch Her, hug Her. Like we always hugged. Gentle, with Love. God, this is to be survived...

Lukasz trying to deal with life

Kalendarz

Strony

Archiwum

Archiwum maj 2021, strona 2

23/05 18:50 I am not able to live anymore

Przepraszam

23/05 Sunday Morning 08:11

Saturday evening 22/05 I dont understand...

Saturday 22/05 08:44

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pn	wt	sr	cz	pt	so	nd
26	27	28	29	30	01	02
03	04	05	06	07	08	09
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